Tag Archives: YouTube

Arnold and Maria, Yoda, a true hero, Dershy, and Colbert

10. Arnold Swarzenegger and Maria Shriver

Did anyone but me want to die inside when they realized that Maria Shriver had married one of the most conservative people on the face of the planet? All things considered, it actually gives me hope for myself, that one day I might actually be able to tolerate guys that are my type. It also gives me hope for this nation. The fact that these two people with such different political opinions can coexist in the same state let alone in the same house is baffling yet inspiring. Their marriage has created the best of both worlds for California in most cases, with Shriver working toward causes she believes in (usually liberal) under her role of wife to the Conservative governor. McCain and Obama both talk a lot about “reaching across the aisle,” which is all well and good, but Arnold would really only have to “reach across the dinner table” at Thanksgivings to work with Democrats. If the American people won’t elect a moderate president, then perhaps they’ll elect a team that symbolizes both parties. 

9. Yoda

I promise to make Yoda my last sci-fi reference, but I make no promises about making him my last fictional character. Even though Yoda isn’t “real,” he’s one of the best options that America has left to be president. Yoda is old, yes, but he’s not going anywhere. And he’s tiny, so I feel that HIS “Sad Grandpa” strategy would work far better than McCain’s since he doesn’t look like a dinosaur when he tries to smile. Yoda can’t tell us what will happen in the next eight years (“Always in motion, the future is.” So wise.), but he can help us find the right path. He’s into all the most important causes. And Yoda believes in the promise of our future – “Truly wonderful, the mind of a child is.” – he knows that we need to leave behind a country that is not in ruins for the future. He worked to help repair the universe in Star Wars, surely he can help us repair one measly nation for the next four years.

8. A soldier currently serving our country

Surprised? Me, too. But hey, I happen to believe that a record of service IS important to your country, I just don’t want that record of service to be attached to someone who’s already made bad decisions for the country (like making Palin a viable candidate for national office). And when we’re thinking about who knows the most about the Iraq War, including what our soldiers are going through, who would be better to lead us out of this war than a soldier who is currently stationed abroad, either in Afghanistan or Iraq? The wars that we are involved in today are different enough from each other, so let’s not even start to compare them to the wars of the past. We need someone to come in a step up, speak about what our soldiers need at war and what they need when they come home. John McCain thinks he can do that, but I have very serious doubts. Let’s put someone in there who truly knows the situation and see how all of our views change. 

7. Mrs. Dershem

Mrs. Dershem currently teaches English at Mesquite High School to snot-nosed brats who don’t deserve her genius. I should know, I used to be one of those brats. As with Bill Clinton, the reasons that Dershem would be an awesome president are best expressed in list form, which will mostly be quotes.

  • She’s not really into delaying important decisions ever since that time she called the school’s front office to tell them that the bathroom was on fire and got put on hold.
  • To improve education, she has a two-fold plan, electric shock chairs and the 9mm discipline plan. Don’t freak out, it actually sounds viable…but she’s joking.
  • She’s not the biggest fan of standardized testing, because she knows what the TAKS is really saying…”I am the state of Texas and I hate you.”
  • She’s pretty much a bamf…that should be the only reason you need.
  • She once told us, “Everyone in life has windmills.” Stop and think about that. I feel that Dershy would work hard to take down a lot of those windmills for the middle class. 
  •  She cares about people. I have to say that I’m not the only one who thinks Dershem is the greatest teacher in the world, and it’s because she not only cares about literature, but she also has the ability to make you care, as well. Can you imagine what she could convince people to care about if elected president?

6. Stephen Colbert

He doesn’t beat Jon Stewart simply because he actually campaigned to be on the ballot, he beats Jon Stewart by several places because Colbert has a larger than life personality that people either love or hate. You have to inspire both as a president, and Colbert does it better. In fact, he takes everything to a presidential level while still defying political stereotypes. Which, of course, warrants another list.

  • Stephen didn’t just write a book, he dictated it. And it is a fabulous read or listen.
  • Stephen isn’t afraid to apologize when he’s wrong. He’s apologized to how many Cantons across the nation now? 
  • Steven knows he’s human and admits his faults. All of America knows about his passion for Jane Fonda, despite the fact that she’s a dirty liberal. 
  • Stephen is willing to criticize people to their faces. Just watch the YouTube video of his roast of President Bush/the media. Fearless. 
  • Stephen is a friend to the gay community. How could he not be after voicing Ace on The Ambiguously Gay Duo
  • Stephen has multiple honors bestowed on him already, such as his DNA going into space, Emmys, a spider AND an airplane named after him, and 3 Peabody Awards. Does President Bush have a Peabody? Noooooo, and neither does McCain or Obama. Colbert has three.

But most of all, Stephen Colbert isn’t just a comedian, he’s an incredibly smart man. He makes people laugh for a living, but he does it by pointing out the poor choices of our government. He, like Jon Stewart, recognizes the faults of our current government and I know that if given the chance, he could fix them. Every single one. And we would be incredibly entertained watching him while eating the ice cream that Ben & Jerry’s named after him.

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Kermit, YouTube, and Pickens

33. Kermit

Oh, Kermie. You know just what this country needs. And someday we’ll find it. The Rainbow Connection? The lover, the dreamer, and you. In addition to his delightful assessment of our need to dream big, reach for the stars, be all that we can be (oh yes, Kermit related to the education system AND the army in one song), Kermit also knows the secret to one of the biggest challenges we face as Americans. The environment and living with a reduced footprint. Kermit knows the challenges that we face in adapting to our environment. After all, the only song that is better known than ‘Rainbow Connection’ in the Muppet World is his own little motto: It Isn’t Easy Being Green. True dat, Kermie. I know that a lot of people think the song is talking about “being okay with who you are,” but I know the truth. Kermit was way ahead of his time. I mean, that line about being big like the ocean and tall as a tree? Helloo, he could have used as big as the Superdome or as tall as the Statue of Liberty, but he didn’t he went with the natural, organic alternatives. Sure, he was talking about loving himself, too, but loving himself as an environmentalist. Batman’s not the only place for double-meanings, you know. He’ll teach the world how to be green. I guarantee it. And then he won’t have to be so self-conscious about loving the environment.

32. YouTube

For those of you who have stumbled on to this site while searching for McCain supporters and are still reading, I’ll go ahead and explain what YouTube is in 20 words or less. It’s on the internet, and people post videos of themselves doing idiotic things for others to watch. Pretty much it. If you’re not sure what the internet is, then I can’t help you. Sorry. Now, those of you who are living in the 21st century with me are currently wondering how the hell I’m going to make this work. Simple. It’s kind of like the “magic 8 ball” philosophy. When there is a decision to be made, we’ll just input the question into the search bar and see what comes up. For example, if you input: “Opinion on Bailout,” you get this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2gbzMr6hSF0. It’s a foreign opinion on the bailout. Of course, we’ll need a panel to help us interpret YouTube’s divine decision, but that’s what we have Congress for, right?

31. T. Boone Pickens

Everyone in Texas knows who this man is and also knows why he should be president. But for those of you who have no Tejas ties, I will do my best to explain it to you. T. Boone is a badass. I can just see him now, meeting foreign dignitaries and putting them immediately at ease with, “How you doin’ Ol’ Putin?” I think Vlad would be into that. It’s real. It’s genial. And let’s just go ahead and put it out there: he’s in oil (BP oil, to be exact). But he’s also in wind energy. He’s spending billions of his own money in order to make wind farms in Texas (check out Pampa, Tx), and has a legit plan for making the US less dependent on oil, more dependent on natural gas and wind energy. He even drives a car fueled by natural gas. With T. Boone Pickens, Texas is asking for a second chance at giving America a good president. We promise to get it right this time.