Tag Archives: Hurricane Katrina

Bond, Bri-Wi, Raiders, Joe 6-pack, and Michelle

15. James Bond

I grew up watching Mr. Bond change from Connery to Brosnan, and I have to say that I think he would be an excellent president. He’s suave, smooth, and hella sexy in all situations. He may not be the biggest fan of the pro-feminist movement, but with his latest film (Quantum of Solace) showing a softer side, I can imagine his working with charities to save endangered animals. And let’s not forget that he can always counteract his womanizer tendencies by making Miss Moneypenny his VP candidate. She put up with James’s philandering ways for years, so it’ll be nothing to win over the rulers of other nations while still keeping them at a respectable distance. Though I have yet to see the movie, I feel that he is going to be far better at the whole revenge thing than Dubya has been with Iraq. But really, how kickass would it be to have James freaking Bond as our president? Pretty damn amazing.

14. Brian Williams

If you don’t watch NBC Nightly News, you’re missing out on one of the best news shows on television. When Brian Williams took over for Tom Brokaw in 2004, the show really took a different turn. It’s not that I don’t like Brokaw, I do, but Brian Williams has one defining difference. He revels in laughing at himself. I mean, he was the first national news anchor to ever host Saturday Night Live, and I’m fairly sure that he was the first anchor to ever appear as a giant floating head on The Daily Show. But Bri-Wi has a serious side, too. Though he did spend a little time working for President Carter, I feel he’s learned far more in his current role. His extensive journalism experience has given him foreign policy experience (Princess Diana’s funeral, Indian tsunami, the Olympics), crisis management training (Virginia Tech, bridge collapse), and a sense of what this country needs. He was there for Hurricane Katrina, inside the superdome. When Pres. Bush was nowhere to be found, Brian Williams was there. I know he’s going to be there for us in the future, I only wish he were in a position to use his experience and influence to right the wrongs rather than simply drawing our attention to them. But I’ll take all I can get.

13. Graham Harrel and Michael Crabtree

Originally, this was my “for that one person I’ll realize that I forgot” spot. But hell, if I forgot someone, tough luck, because these two men deserve all the recognition in the world. While McCain was desperately trying to be funny on SNL to gain a last-minute boost, Harrel and Crabtree were delivering the first win over a top-ranked team for the Texas Tech fans. A stellar, heart-stopping one at that. Do I go to Tech? No, and I took pride in flaunting Mizzou’s heavy-handed victory over my father last year. But when Harrel sailed that pass into Crabtree’s arms, I held my breath. Two seconds later, it came out in a scream as Crabtree crossed the line. How many Americans can say that we get that excited about anything our government does? I mean, if I tried to hold my breath for the end of the war in Iraq, I would have passed out about five billion times by now. And with the rest of the team designated to suitable cabinet positions, we’re sure to keep the rest of the world on its toes, squeaking out a success just in time. Because, as the fans will (and did last night) tell you, Texas Tech is no joke. And neither is America, something the rest of the world needs to remember.

12. Joe 6-pack

There are people who would say that all Sarah Palin did when she started using the term “Joe 6-pack” was give college students the easiest Halloween costume ever. But I say that she made people realize just how many of them are better suited for the job than her running mate. Or at least how different her running mate is from Joe 6-pack. McCain talks a lot about wanting to work for the middle class, the Joe 6-pack, but how can a man who owns 7 houses know what people concerned with only one household need? Joe 6-pack may not have any real foreign policy experience or a record of service to the country, but damn it, he knows that No Child Left Behind is leaving his kid behind. He knows that the Bush tax cuts aren’t helping his class. He knows that it’s time to get out of Iraq and bring his kid home before it’s too late. Joe 6-pack is much better equipped than Senator McCain to do what’s right for the majority of the country, because what’s right for the country is what’s right for him. So let’s let Joe do what’s Americans do best: look out for #1. He’ll be doing us all a favor.

11. Michelle Obama

We have not seen a woman this graceful and poised since Jackie O., I’m pretty sure. And I named my oldest dog after our most glamorous First Lady, so you can be sure that she was a winner. I’m very careful about what I name things. Michelle is the best of America in one person. She grew up in a family that was pretty much the epitome of the American dream, meaning that they spent a lot of family time together at the dinner table and over board games. That’s more than John McCain can say for his own family, seeing as how the man running on behalf of family values left his wife for ‘the other woman’ (nothing against Cindy, now, but it’s a fact). And Michelle went to Princeton, then Harvard Law, which explains her sharp wit. She’s not someone who relishes the campaign circuit, but she could have fooled me with her speeches. I think she’s a far stronger role model for young girls than Sarah Palin, certainly, because she actually supports her own gender. And let’s not forget that, like Bri-Wi, she isn’t afraid to laugh at herself or her husband. Let’s put a little grace and humor back into the White House, please.

Artemis, Bill, the Chicks and Brangelina

Today there are 4, tomorrow and until November 4, there will be 5 a day. Enjoy the last few posts.

24. Artemis Fowl

Harry Potter has nothing on this boy genius. For those of you who haven’t read the Artemis Fowl books by Eoin Colfer because you stick to only your highest reading level, you’re missing out. Arty, the brainiac 14-year-old child of a crooked billionaire, not only has the highest IQ in Ireland on hie side, but also a few tricks of fairy magic he stole/finagled from his fairy friends throughout the series. Now, before you think I’m going to let the Irish mob run our country, I should point out to you that Artemis has learned the importance of kindness and other people throughout the series. I feel very confident that he would not only be able to transfer his skills into making out economy successful again, but also support s functioning healthcare program and end the war in Iraq. With a little help from his trusty bodyguard Butler and Butler’s “business associates,” aka army of professional assassins. And don’t even try to tell me there’s an age issue, because if Artemis is 14, that makes him at least 9 years older than our current president.

23. Bill Clinton

C’mon. You know the last time that this nation was truly happy was when the biggest political scandal we had to worry about focused around Bill’s zipper. Reasons why we need a return to the four years he was in office:

  • He was president during the longest peacetime economic expansion in the nation’s history.
  • He left office with a surplus of $559 billion.
  • His approval rating was 65% when he left. That’s after the scandal.
  • He created a foundation for the prevention of AIDS/HIV and global warming.
  • He signed the Family and Medical Leave Act in his first term, imagine what he could do with another 8 years.
  • Foreign nations loved him. A far cry from the feelings they have toward any Republicans now.

We’ll just have to make sure that all his interns are men. 

22. Dixie Chicks

Remember back in 2003 when everyone thought that Natalie Maines had made a huge career mistake by saying “We don’t want this war, this violence; and, we’re ashamed the President of the United States is from Texas?” I do. And now look at what we’re saying. Natalie and the other ladies in the Dixie Chicks (Martie Maguire and Emily Robison, they’re not to be underestimated) anticipated the country’s needs and opinions, they just had a little bit of a timing issue. It happens to the best of us. But you know, clearly they’re against domestic violence (check out “Goodbye Earl”) and for development of the arts, so I think that our money will go to the right places. I have to say, when I saw Martie and Emily play with two other ladies at the Mesquite Balloon Festival many years ago, before Natalie  joined the group, I said to myself, If only they had political insight, they’d be a hit band. I was very insightful myself, especially for a second grader.

21. Brangelina

I know, I know, but I’m only using their joint name to make them more viable as a candidate, clearly. I’m nominating Brad and Angelina because they have done an absolutely stellar job of cleaning up after America’s failures. Before they got together, they each did their part to help out the greater good. Brad dropped out of the J-school at Mizzou (possibly his greatest contribution to society), became incredibly hot (it’s a charity I’m thankful for every day), and supported causes such as AIDS research and ending the crisis in Darfur. Angelina is a UN Goodwill Ambassador, also looks just as attractive as Brad, and she founded the National Center for Refugee and Immigrant Children. As for their lives together, they continue to adopt children as well as make beautiful babies when they’re not busy changing the world in other ways. They work together on the ‘Make It Right’ campaign in home of New Orleans, giving homes to people who lost theirs to Hurricane Katrina. This makes them better than FEMA, or at least as good as. Finally, Brad donated $100,000 to fight the legislation overturning legalized same-sex marriage in California this year, which makes him more willing to stand up for the rights of John McCain’s daughter than McCain himself. Yeah. I said it. What now, dinosaur man?