Walken, Gates, and a pair of jokers

27. Christopher Walken

People, this nation needs more cowbell. Christopher Walken knows this, and he’s been working tirelessly to promote the popularity of cowbell in our schools. Okay, maybe not, but if he were president I’m sure that he would. And why am I so sure about all that? Because Christopher Walken is an equal opportunity actor. He doesn’t turn down any role, no matter how awful or humiliating. I mean, how else do you explain a triple-threat like him ending up in a movie like Joe Dirt? You can’t. But really, I think that General Mayhem had the right idea about making him run for president. His cult following would vote for him just because, but the rest of us would vote for his slogan. “No More Zoos!”

Also, as a sidenote, if you’d like to add more cowbell to your life, I suggest visiting http://www.morecowbell.dj/. You won’t regret it. 

26. Melinda Gates

Don’t be surprised that Bill Gates didn’t make the list. He’s just too freaking busy trying to ward off Steve Jobs to be president. But he’d make a good First Gentleman, so it’s not really a problem to nominate Melinda here. Melinda is right there in the title of the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, which means that she’s not afraid to use her name and her money to promote education and access to technology in the US as well as enhance worldwide healthcare. A lot of the time, global charities are passed over for a more localized impact, but in this case, Melinda’s organization takes on issues abroad as well as here at home. And if you don’t think that she has the killer instinct to run the country, let’s remember that she was born in Dallas. We’re kind of betches, but we can take care of ourselves.

25. Thomas Cathcart and Daniel Klein

Have you ever wondered exactly what the meaning of “is” is? If you have, then you should write in ‘Bill Clinton’ this year, but if you’re pretty sure you’ve got basic vocabulary down, you might want to give this pair a chance. Cathcart and Klein wrote the book Aristotle and an Aardvark Go To Washington in an effort to help people understand not only what political double-speak means, but how easy it is to fall into it. And they do it all with jokes. How fabulous is that? If only they could explain the “the VP’s in charge of the senate” comment to us. The one explanation they can’t give us, however, is WHY politicians do it. Is it a perceived stupidity on our part or are we simply electing idiots? Maybe if we send them to the White House, they’ll have an answer for us.

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