Dalai Lama, Ralph Nader and Batman

I know, I know, I’m really late with this one, but tomorrow’s is going to be extra-good to compensate.

36. Dalai Lama

If you’re thinking that this is a cliche, then you clearly already realize that he’s a great world leader. His Holiness might be a controversial figure, since he’s the current spiritual leader of Buddhism and all, but despite the fact that our money would read “In Buddha We Trust,” I know that he would be a kick-ass leader. Let’s review the man’s record. He’s never started a war, in fact he went into exile when his people were taken over in Tibet. Now, you might see this as a weakness, but I see this as a refusal to endorse violence, and I’m all about that. Plus, it’s really a win-win situation. Not only do we get a ridiculously wise and calm leader who’s never had a relationship scandal, but he also gets to live somewhere NOT in exile. Plus, last year we gave him a US Congressional Gold Medal. This is our chance to reclaim our outsourced honor and bring the medal home. 

35. Ralph Nader

Nader knows what it takes to lose an election. And I gotta say, it takes a lot of guts to keep on coming back every four years. I mean, can you think of a single Olympic athlete who’s lost through 3 Olympics cycles and still come back for more? I can’t. That’s what America needs. Not a loser – perseverence. Now, I know he’s from Connecticut, but we’ll try not to hold that against him, since he chose to leave the state for college (Princeton then Harvard Law). He’s a friend to non-profits and causes, which would be a huge change from having a president who quietly puts down half the causes his wife publicly works toward. I mean, the man founded NGO. How much more does he have to do to convince you that he cares about people? Appear on Sesame Street? Oh, wait, he did that. Thanks, 1988.

34. Batman

Many people have suggested that the man in black would be a good solution to our current political problem. I agree. He’s been syndicated in more than 10 languages all over the world, so people of other nations know his good deeds. And let’s not forget the films that they’ve also more than likely seen, much better than the Michael Moore films they’ve seen of Bush. I feel like McCain was also in at least one of those… Anyhow, Batman would definitely help with crime control. Of course, in order to protect the entire nation, Batman would need to take some lessons on time management from Santa Clause. But since he’ll only be teaching him about how to visit thousands of homes (or crime sites) a night and not how to make his belly shake like a bowl full of jelly, I think it’s something he could learn during his short tenure as President Elect. Robin, of course, will be a non-threatening VP choice. He’s psyched. Holy craters, Batman! Does this mean that we can finally legalize gay marriage and have that white wedding I’ve been dreaming about? Oh, Master Dick. If only Alfred were around to keep you in check.

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