Kingster, Coopster, and Klinester

45. The Burger King man

Burger King’s commercials have entered my dreams since the minute I saw them. And not in a good way. I mean, clearly he has ruling experience, and he knows what the American people REALLY want (fried crap with trans fats), but those are small potatoes compared to the benefits that come with his physical appearance. His horrifying plastic head could scare the crap out of any terrorist he sees. I mean, we might be in trouble for torture, but if we could get away from it, we could convince those people in Guantanamo to tell the truth by sending our president to stare at them for hours on end. And his powers could be used for good, too. I mean, if you knew that you were going to sit through peace negotiations with that face staring at you the whole time, wouldn’t you make the peace asap? I know I would.

44. Anderson Cooper

I cannot tell you how many times I have said to myself (and occasionally to others) “What does Anderson Cooper think he’s doing? That pale man is going to get himself killed.” And yet, as I type this, Anderson Cooper is 100% alive and kicking, running Anderson Cooper 360. He’s seen a lot of the world, from covering the death of Pope John Paul II to numerous natural disasters. He knows what’s up, he understands the place that America holds in the world, possibly better than either of the candidates. Obama will forgive me for that, I’m sure. And I think that the American people deserve someone who can see the big picture, the affect that we’re having on the global society. Plus, have you seen his piercing “don’t-give-me-any-crap” look? It works.

43. Kevin Kline

Mr. Kline is quite the accomplished actor, it’s true. He’s been in films such as A Fish Called Wanda, Soapdish, and A Prairie Home Companion. However, I’m not really so interested in the real him (no offense, you lovely man) because I feel that his role as Dave in (big surprise) Dave is the perfect president. I mean, he set things straight that needed to be righted by the previous president and accepted the blame for a lot of crap. What gives me a ridiculous amount of faith in the character of Dave is that he steps out of the picture when America needs him to. I mean, I cannot see John McCain stepping out of the picture if it was best for America, and if he did, we would be left with Sarah Palin. You know that woman’s not letting go of the presidency, because then she’d have to give back that $150,000 of clothes.


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