Helvetica, Dr. Phil, and Janeway

Because I missed yesterday, there are two for today. Enjoy, chillins.

60. Gary Hustwit

Because a font cannot speak for itself, let alone rule the US, I have to use Gary Hustwit as its acting commander-in-chief. Helvetica is everywhere. You may or may not have seen Helvetica up to 2000 times today. It just depends on if you work in design/journalism or if you just take care of sick people all day. Hustwit made the movie about the world’s most popular font, and to do that he had to study its power and sex appeal. The secret? Swiss design. Because Hustwit understands the font that rules the world better than anyone, he will be able to convince world leaders to do anything he wants. All he has to do is print his proposal in Helvetica and the other guy’s in Copperplate Bold. They won’t have a chance.

59. Dr. Phil

I hate Dr. Phil. But for some reason, the rest of America seems to love him. The secret to his popularity isn’t hard to figure out. People aren’t huge fans of elitists, they want someone that they would feel comfortable grabbing a beer (or eight) with. How else can we explain the last eight years? Dr. Phil’s down-home accent and no-crap attitude are appealing to the general population. He could care less about people’s mothers, and they are thankful for it. They don’t want to talk about anything but themselves. So go ahead America, elect Dr. Phil. He’d be there to listen to the entire nation’s concerns, and to tell them to ‘get real’ about their finances, the healthcare reform, and the fact that their kids need decent sex ed. There may not be a lot of progress, but at least we’d all know where we stand.

58. Captain Janeway

My nerd is showing, I know, so shush. In life, I think that everyone has to let their nerd out every now and again. For those of you who aren’t doomed to a life of embarrassment whenever people reference ‘Trekkies’ because of a childhood phase, Captain Janeway is captain of Voyager, the Star Trek series of the nineties. Lame? Yes. But I fully believe that any woman who can safely guide her ship through another quadrant for years and years just to bring them home while only using a few no-name crew members is fully capable of running the country. She believes in equality for all people and takes care of her own, even when resources are in short supply. America could probably do with a little Prime Directive, which states that cultures should be left to their own devices in almost all cases. Plus, I mean, she could bring us all the sweet future technology, you know, since she’d have to time travel to be our president. And become real…

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