Tim Gunn, Ringo Starr and Martha Stewart

69. Tim Gunn

After watching the season finale of Project Runway last night, I flipped over to catch the last half hour of the final presidential debate. The sight of John McCain’s terrifyingly wide grin (sort of like the maniacal grin of the Joker in the new Batman film) and his snow white hair made me realize that someone else with snow white hair would be a far better Republican candidate than this clown. Tim Gunn deals with designers and models (both notoriously hard groups to work with) on a daily basis during the filming of his show, providing the constructive criticism and kind words without ever losing his cool. I mean, he dealt with Kenley’s stubbornness all through this season, even when she insulted him to his face. He’d never need to surround himself with “yes” men. The best part, however, is that he doesn’t put up with excuses.
Oh, we need more time in Iraq? “Make it work.”
Oh, the religious right is angry because we’ve given people too many freedoms? “Make it work.”
Oh, the economy is plummeting because of the hedgefund jerks? “Make it work.”

68. Ringo Starr

Have you seen him lately? Does anyone know what he’s been doing lately? No. That’s precisely why he’s a good presidential candidate. He has NOTHING BETTER TO DO. He even announced that on October 20, he’ll stop signing autographs forever. What’s most impressive is not that he will no longer need to remember how to spell his own name, but that anyone still really wants his autograph. The man has never had any talent, and yet he’s managed to make his mark on the world in general. He knows how to sell himself, and I think that right now, America needs a president to flaunt our good qualities – even if he has to make them up. The man still performs his old songs he wrote with the Beatles (over 30 years ago). What do we as a country have to cash in on from 30 years ago? Nothing as big as the hit song “Come Together,” that’s for sure.

67. Martha Stewart

She’s the homemaker to America, so who better to live in the most important house in the United States? Martha Stewart has come into our lives in every way possible. She has a brilliantly designed magazine, a collection of kitchenware and housewares in general that presents an eloquent yet home-y feeling, and still manages to find the time to host her own TV show (in between guest appearances, of course). And have you seen her Halloween decorations? I never thought that Halloween could be a classy holiday, but Martha’s transformed it. Tres chic. Some of you out there may be concerned about the fact that she’s been to prison, but I see this as an advantage. I mean, John McCain’s been to prison, but in another country. That’s not very patriotic. At least Martha stayed local with her prison choice. And remember what she went to prison for? She understood our economy (and the stock market) a little too well. We could use some of that right about now. Finally, when global warming creates the next ice age, she’ll knit us all some really nice scarves. Maybe some mittens.

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One response to “Tim Gunn, Ringo Starr and Martha Stewart

  1. I’m glad you wrote about Martha Stewart. Have you seen her glitter collection? That’s not a typo. The woman has a glitter collection. Beautiful names for the colors too. I need those Halloween decorations for my fiesta. Let’s talk Martha.

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