72. Senator Hillary Clinton
While I’ve never really been a supporter of Hillary Clinton, I do feel that she could best McCain any day. He likes to talk about his years and years of experience, but does it really matter if he hasn’t spent those years within the White House? Not only has Hillary worked on healthcare reform and made many a trip abroad, but Hillary spent quite a few years in the White House already. She knows the place like the back of her hand. This will save her the embarrassment of walking into the green room when she really meant to be in the red room. Also, have we ever had a president who won a Grammy? Because this is our chance. Nevermind that it was only for recording an audio book, in my mind, all Grammys are created equally.
No, I do not mean the huggable, love-happy purple dinosaur. I’m talking about someone with much more government experience. Only slightly more qualified than our former First Lady is the current White House pet, Barney the Scottish terrier. As anyone who has recently visited the White House’s website (perhaps to check his or her facts about a former first lady?) will know, Barney has a link to his own website (http://www.whitehouse.gov/barney/index.html) in the top corner. Barney is already a master of PR with his self-promoted Barney shorts that are posted on the website, and it’s obvious that he truly cares about the people, as there is an entire archive of questions Barney answers when he has the time. Most of all, I think Barney is qualified because he has watched President Bush the past 8 years, which means that he won’t make the same mistakes when he’s president. I nominate Miss Beazley (nicknamed Beazley Weazley), the second ‘First Dog,’ as the younger VP candidate. She’s female AND black. The pundits won’t be able to say a thing.
Yeah, I have the “cahones,” as it were, to suggest that I would be a better president than John McCain. I would like to point out, of course, that while my age would seem to disqualify me (and if you’re thinking it disqualifies Barney, you’re wrong, he’s 56 in dog years) I’m not focusing on the “rules” here. No, I don’t have a lot of experience, but I don’t have seven houses, either. What I do have is a working knowledge of the internet, as much of a degree from the University of Missouri Journalism School as Brad Pitt has, and common sense. I’m not saying that John McCain never had common sense, I just happen to believe that his 21 years in the Senate has warped all of his originally normal traits, such as good judgement and the ability to not look like a dinosaur. Also, I feel that my experience as a PA will assist me as well. I mean, if I can handle running a building of 500 (mostly freshman) coeds and guiding them through fire drill after pregnancy scare after fire drill, I think I can handle running the country. It’s a lot less hands-on.